10/26/11
All religions issue Bibles against Satan, and say the most injurious things against him, but we never hear his side.
Mark Twain
10/25/11
TV LAW
Alan Shore (James Spader): Let me tell you two things about myself. I too am a lawyer, I can be painfully vindictive, and I do not play fair.
Lester Tremont (Mark Tymchyshyn): That's three things...
Alan Shore: See? Not playing fair already. And I'm just getting started.
-Boston Legal
10/24/11
FRIENDSHIP
It is my joy in life to find
At every turning of the road
The strong arm of a conrade kind
To help me onward with my load.
And since I have no gold to give,
And love alone must make amends,
My only prayer is, while I live-
God make me worthy of my friends.
Frank Dempster Sherman
10/21/11
Lawsuit: (n.) a method of extracting half of a debt by demanding double the payment.
10/20/11
EDUCATION
I have four things to learn in life:
To think clearly without hurry or confusion;
To love everybody sincerely;
To act in everything with the highest motives;
To trust in God unhesitatingly.
Helen Keller
10/19/11
Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
Mark Twain
10/18/11
Ally McBeal's TV Law
Love and law are the same. Romanic in concept but the actual practice can give you a yeast infection...
10/17/11
DETERMINATION
The rung of a ladder was never meant to rest upon, but only to hold a man's foot long enough to enable him to put the other somewhat higher.
Thomas Henry Huxley
10/14/11
AN AMUSING LAWSUIT
A Little Rock, Arkansas, man won more than $14,000.00 after suing his neighbor when bitten on the buttocks by his neighbor's beagle. The jury was considerate enough, however, to give a reduced judgement after considering that the beagle was chained in its owner's yard and felt that the dog might have been a little provoked by the man repeatedly shooting it with a pellet gun...
10/13/11
CRITICISM
There is a destiny that makes us brothers;
None goes his way alone:
All that we send into the lives of others
Comes back into our own.
I care not what his temples or his creeds,
One thing holds firm and fast-
That into his fateful heap of days and deeds
The soul of man is cast.
Edwin Markham
10/12/11
The only way to behave to a woman is to flirt with her if she is pretty, and to some one else if she is plain.
Oscar Wilde
10/11/11
RULE OF LAW
An advocate who has been well paid in advance will find the cause he is pleading to be all the more just.
Pascal
10/10/11
CREED
Let then our first act every morning be to make the following resolve for the day:
I shall not fear anyone on earth.
I shall fear only God.
I shall not bear ill will toward anyone.
I shall not submit to injustice from anyone.
I shall conquer untruth by truth.
And in resusting untruth I shall put up with all suffering.
Mahatma Gandhi
10/7/11
ACTUAL COURT RECORD
"Defendant was seen loitering around a public restroom for the purpose of a lewd and lascivious act, namely the organ pavilion in the park."
10/6/11
COURAGE
Courage is armor a blind man wears;
The calloused scar of outlived despairs:
Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
Karle Wilson Baker
10/5/11
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
Oscar Wilde
10/4/11
BIZARRE CASE CAPTION
United States v. Caesar
10/3/11
CONFIDENCE
Let nothing disturb thee, nothing affright thee.
All things are passing; God never changeth;
Patient endurance attaineth to all things.
In nothing is wanting: Alone God sufficeth.
St. Teresa
9/30/11
FOR US OLD-TIMERS:
"Law is crazy."
"Why's that?"
"They swear a man to tell the truth."
"So what?"
"Every time he starts to, some damn lawyer objects."
Old TV comic Milton Berle
9/29/11
CHURCH
Enter expectantly,
Breathe prayerfully,
Worship reverently,
Relax restfully,
Greet others cordially,
Leave thoughtfully,
Come again.
9/28/11
A customer called the customer-service line of a TV repair shop demanding help with her TV set, which wouldn't come on.
"I'm sorry, but we can't send a technician out today due to the blizzard," she was told.
Unsatisified, she barked, "Well what else am I supposed to do while the power is out?!"
9/27/11
LITIGANT: (n.)
A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
Ambrose Bierce
9/26/11
CHILDREN
Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life.
Sophocles
9/23/11
Doctors' notes on patients' charts:
- The patient is married but sexually active.
- When standing with eyes closed, he missed his right finger to his nose and had to search for it on the left side.
- She does indeed have a fear of frying and mental problems that she attributes to deep-fat fryers.
- The patient is a 53 year-old police officer who was found by his bicycle.
- Her father died from a heart attack at age 12.
9/22/11
CHARACTER
The finest qualities of our characters do not come from trying, but from that mysterious and yet most effective capacity to be inspired.
Harry Emerson Fosdick
9/21/11
Mark Twain warned:
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."
9/20/11
That it is better one hundred guilty persons should excape than one innocent person should suffer, is a maxim that has long and generally approved.
Benjamin Franklin
9/19/11
BROTHERHOOD
I sought my soul,
But my soul I could not see.
I sought my God,
But my God eluded me.
I sought my brother,
And I found all three.
9/16/11
It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him. The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car, and said, "Boy, are you in trouble. I'm a lawyer!"
The driver looked out his window and said, "No, you're in trouble. I'm a judge."
9/15/11
THE BIBLE
What you bring away from the Bible depends to some extent on what you carry to it.
Oliver Wendell Holmes
9/14/11
Sufficient unto the day is one baby. As long as you are in your right mind don't you ever pray for twins. Twins amount to permanent riot. And there ain't any real difference between triplets and an insurrection.
Mark Twain
9/13/11
Trial Courts seek the truth, while Appellate Courts seek error.
Anonymous
9/12/11
BEAUTY
Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing.
John Erskine
9/9/11
IRONY
When I grow up I want to be an honest lawyer so things like this can't happen.
- a young Richard Nixon on the Teapot Dome scandal...
9/8/11
AWARENESS
I have no fear that the candle lighted in Palestine years ago will ever be put out.
William R. Inge
9/7/11
Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.
Helen Gurley Brown
9/6/11
The Judge cautioned the jury, "When you go in to deliberate, for those of you who watch law shows on television, let me remind you that once in a while the district attorney wins."
TV comedian, Milton Berle
9/5/11
ASPIRATION
Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, Or what's a heaven for?
Robert Browning
9/2/11
UNDER OATH
Lawyer: Okay. Do you understand what the oath means, taking the oath means?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: You don't?
Witness: No, I don't.
Lawyer: Did you take an oath today in Court?
Witness: What is that? I don't understand what's oath like.
Lawyer: Well, the oath is like when you raise your hand and swear to tell the truth.
Witness: Yeah.
Lawyer: Okay. You understand what that means?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: What does that mean?
Witness: That means to say the truth, the whole truth.
Lawyer: And what happens if you don't tell the truth?
Witness: I should be executed.
9/1/11
AGE
To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old.
Oliver Wendell Holmes
8/31/11
In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.
Mark Twain
8/30/11
Ninty percent of our lawyers serve ten percent of our people. We are over-lawyered and under-represented.
Jimmy Carter
8/29/11
ACTION
Life is not made up of great sacrifices and duties,
But of little things; in which smiles
And kindness and small obligations,
Given habitually, are what win and
Preserve the heart and secure comfort.
Humphry Davy
8/26/11
ODD LAW
In Honolulu, Hawaii, it is against the Law to annoy any bird in a public park.
8/25/11
ACHIEVEMENT
If one advances confidently in the direction of their dreams, and endeavors to live the life which they have imagined, they will meet with success unexpected in common hours.
Henry David Thoreau
8/24/11
Adam was but human - this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.
Mark Twain
8/23/11
A law school professor said to a graduating class, "Three years ago, when asked a legal question, you could answer, in all honesty, "I don't know." Now you can say with great authority, "It depends.' "
8/22/11
If you would attain
To what you are not yet,
You must always be displeased
By what you are.
For where you are pleased
With yourself
There you have remained.
Keep adding, keep walking,
Keep advancing, do not stop,
Do not turn back, do not turn
From the straight road.
St. Augustine
8/19/11
INSIGHTFUL INTERROGATION
Judge: What made you bit the police officer?
Witness: He stuck his arm in my mouth.
8/18/11
GIFTS
To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
To all men, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect.
8/17/11
It would be foolish to stand upon dignity in a place where there was hardly room to stand upon our feet.
Mark Twain
8/16/11
If you have the law on your side, pound on the law; if you have the facts in your favor, pound on the facts; if you have neither in your favor, pound on the table.
1949 - University Criminal Law Professor
8/15/11
LIFE
Life's journey is a series of surprises, and would not be worth taking if it were not.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
8/12/11
A songwriter wrote a song about his legal problems. It's called, "Heaven, I need a hug." Bill Maher found this amusing saying, "I couldn't make this up." He then suggested the "B" side: "O my God, I need a lawyer."
8/11/11
To be unknown of God is altogether too much privacy.
Thomas Merton
8/10/11
There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one:
Keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.
Mark Twain
8/9/11
A man calls a law office. The phone is answered,
"Hello, Scwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz."
The caller asked to speak with attorney Schwartz.
"I'm sorry, he's on vacation."
The caller then asked to speak with attorney Schwartz.
"I'm sorry, he's on a big case and won't be available for a week."
The caller then asked to speak to attorney Schwartz.
"I'm sorry, he's playing golf."
Then the frustrated caller asked to speak with attorney Schwartz.
"Speaking."
Henny Youngman
8/8/11
THANKFULNESS
We thank thee, Father, for the care
That did not come to try us;
The burden that we did not bear,
The trouble that passed by us;
The task we did not fail to do,
The hurt we did not cheish;
The friend who did not prove untrue,
The joy that did not perish.
We thank thee for the dart unsped,
The bitter work unspoken,
The grave unmade, the tear unshed,
The heart-tie still unbroken.
8/5/11
OUTRAGEOUS LAW
It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
8/4/11
THE MYSTERIOUS
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. They to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, are as good as dead: their eyes are closed.
Albert Einstein
8/3/11
A Maxim for the use of the over-educated
EDUCATION is an admirable thing. So it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
Oscar Wilde
8/2/11
Q. How do you define Double Jeopardy?
A. When your lawyer calls in their partner...
8/1/11
LOVE
Love is not blind - it sees more not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.
Julius Gordon
7/29/11
Law is order, and good law is good order.
Aristotle
7/28/11
THANKFULNESS
If anyone would tell you the shortest, surest way to happiness and all perfection, they would tell you to make it a rule to thank and praise God for everything that happens to us. For it is certain that whatever seeming clamity happens to you, if you thank God for it, you turn it into a blessing.
William Law
7/27/11
A real knee-slapper:
You know we live in the space age:
The other day someone said to me, "Do you know what astronauts eat?"
"No," I said.
"Launch meat," he answered.
and
If athletes have athlete's foot, then what do astronauts have?
Mistle toe, of course.
7/26/11
Actual Court Record
The Judge received the following note from the jury as they were deliberating a case:
"The jury stands at 10 to 2. One juror is obsessed with proof of intent. The other is seeking guidance from God in her decision. Please instruct."
7/25/11
HELPFULNESS
If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
Emily Dickinson
7/22/11
Misdemeanor: (n.) An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony, and accordingly prohibits admittance into the best criminal circles.
7/21/11
FAITH
Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservations.
Elton Trueblood
7/20/11
Our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.
Mark Twain
7/19/11
Bizarre Case Name
United States v. Estate of Grace
7/18/11
LIFE
Life is a flame that is always burning itself out, but it catches fire again every time a child is born.
George Bernard Shaw
7/15/11
Expert witness testimony
Lawyer: How long would it take for a sphincter spasm to heal, Doctor?
Witness: Sphincter spasm is not a disease process, I mean, as you stand there, you can have sphincter spasm if you wanted to.
Lawyer: I could have a sphincter spasm right now if I wanted to?
Witness: Just tighten your sphincter and that is your sphincter spasm. Try it.
Lawyer: Can you have one right now, Doctor?
Witness: Yeah, I think we all can.
7/14/11
WORK
I can moreasily see our Lord sweeping the streets of London, than issuing edicts from its cathedral.
Dick Sheppard
7/13/11
"On with the dance, let joy be unconfined" is my motto, whether there's any dance to dance or any joy to unconfine.
Mark Twain
7/12/11
CLOSING ARGUMENT FROM ACTUAL COURT RECORDS
Prosecutor: "Now, my personal opinion as to whether or not he's guilty, that doesn't mean a thing, because I have not testified in this case. But defense counsel gave his opinion, and I'm going to give you mine. That son-of-a-bitch [indicating in the direction of the defendant] is guilty as hell."
7/11/11
TROUBLE
We shall steer safely through every storm, so long as our heart is right, our intention fervent, our courage steadfast, and out trust fixed on God.
St. Francis de Sales
7/8/11
A CRAZY LAW
In the nineteenth century the French government passed a law that prohibited the arrest of criminals between the hours of sunset and sunrise.
7/7/11
GIFTS
Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.
Elizabeth Bibesco
7/6/11
The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.
Oscar Wilde
7/5/11
A lawyer cross-examined the adversary's main witness.
"You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Edward's house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?"
"Objection, your honor, Hearsay," shouted the other lawyer.
There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the answer would be Hearsay. Finally, after forty-five minutes, the Judge allowed the question.
"So, the first lawyer continued, "Please answer the question: What did Mrs. Edwards say when you went to her house after breakfast on December 3rd?"
"Nothing," said the witness. "No one was home."
7/4/11
PEACE
Lord, thou madest us for thyself, and we can find no rest till we find rest in thee.
St. Augustine
7/1/11
Four out of five doctors agree:
If they were stranded on a deserted island with no lawyers, they wouldn't need any aspirin.
6/30/11
RELIGION
The universe is centered on neither the earth nor the sun. It is centered on God.
Alfred Noyes
6/29/11
The surgeon said to the stubborn patient who wouldn't buy hospital insurance:
"all right,suture yourself."
6/28/11
Outrageous lawsuit???
A woman was treated by a psychiatrist from March to November 1986, became romantically involved with him, and subsequently married him in October 1989. After more than five years of marriage they divorced in 1994, at which time the woman sued her ex-husband for psychiatric malpractice and negligence, claiming that the romanic or sexual relationship between them started before the formal psychiatric treament ended. She contended that her ex-husband had breached the standard of care as a psychiatrist by becoming romantically involved with her, and sought general, special, and punative damages.
6/27/11
TODAY
I have no yesterdays,
Time took them away;
Tomorrow may not be -
But I have today...
Pearl Yeadon McGinnis
6/24/11
A New Jersey lawyer took on a difficult case. It involved a sex offender who was badly beaten in a city jail cell. The defendant was the Sheriff. To everyone's suprise and the lawyer's delight, the jury handed down a $50,000.00 verdict. The lawyer had taken the case on a 50 percent contingent basis. The case was appealed and the state Supreme Court reduced the verdict to $15,000.00. The lawyer broke the bad news to his client: "The appellate Court has taken away all your recovery and $10,000.00 of my fee.
6/23/11
WISDOM
The best cosmetic in the world is an active mind that is always finding something new.
Mary Meek Atkeson
6/22/11
My nerves had hardly grown quiet after this affair when they got another shake-up -- one which utterly unmanned me for a moment: a rumor swept suddenly through the camp that one of the barkeepers had fallen over a precipice!
However, it turned out it was only a chaplain.
Mark Twain
6/21/11
Actual Court Record
Prosecutor: What did the individual do as far as taking property from the store without permission at that time?
Witness: It was right after that time when he said, "Check this out," and he pulled his a gun.
Prosecutor: And when he pulled out a gun, then what happened?
Witness: I turned to Dave, the other clerk, and I said, "Dave, I don't think he's going to be paying for this stuff."
6/20/11
OPPORTUNITY
The pessimist sees the difficulity in every opportunity; the optimist, the opportunity in every difficulty.
L.P. Jacks
6/17/11
My dear sir, it is impossible for me to take on your case...you lack the most important piece of evidence...(aside) evidence that he can pay my fee!
Honore' Daumier
6/16/11
"I don't believe you have to be better than everybody else. I just believe you have to be better than you thought you could ever be."
Anomymous
6/15/11
Its about wimins rites. I hev red a guid many letters rit by wimin in yur paper, and I vow things is cumin to a offal staite when they is aloud to carri on at them raits. This cums of so much skoolin for gals. They wants to be eqil to us men.
Related by Mark Twain
6/14/11
Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer
6/13/11
Yesterday is a cancelled check;
Tomorrow is a promissory note;
Today is cash, spend it.
Harold E. Hill
6/10/11
Actual Court Records
Court: Okay, Ms. Smith, we're using technical jargon here. Your relationship with Ms. Gooding is?
Witness: She's my first cousin.
Court: Meaning that she is your father's daughter or your mother's daughter.
Attorney: Your aunt's daughter?
Witness: She is my aunt's daughter.
Court: I thought first cousins...
Attorney: If she were her mother or father's daughter, that would be her sister.
Court: You just had to point that out.
6/9/11
NATURE
Earth's crammed with heaven, and every common bush afire with God.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning
6/8/11
The efficiency of our criminal jury system is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.
Mark Twain
6/7/11
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
Martin Luther king Jr.
6/6/11
NATION
We must have many Lincoln-minded men.
Vachel Lindsay
6/3/11
Insightful Interrogations
Attorney: And that's the only incident that you're aware of, then?
Witness: There were several like that.
Attorney: This one you said was two to three years ago?
Witness: Right.
Attorney: When were the others?
Witness: Prior to that.
Attorney: What's prior mean?
Witness: It means before that.
6/2/11
LOVE
Love can not be forced; love can not be coaxed and teased. It comes out of Heaven, unasked and unsought.
Pearl Buck
6/1/11
I think that all this courteous lying is a sweet and loving art, and should be cultivated. The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of graceful and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying.
Mark Twain
5/31/11
Actual Court Records
"Defendant went to the county hospital for treatment of a cut finger which he accidentally cut while trying to cut his wrist in a suicide attempt."
5/30/11
LIFE
God asks no man whether he will accept life. That is not the choice. You must take it. The only choice is how.
Henry Ward Beecher
5/27/11
The tiresome jury selection process continued, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors. Mr. Smith was called for his question session.
"Property holder?"
"Yes, I am, Your Honor."
"Married or single?"
"Married for twenty years, Your Honor."
"Formed or expressed an opinion?"
"Not in twenty years, Your Honor."
5/26/11
JOY
Real joy comes not from ease or riches or the praise of men, but from doing something wonderful.
Wilfred T. Grenfell
5/25/11
The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money...
Mark Twain
5/24/11
When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken.
Benjamin Disraeli
5/23/11
INFLUENCE
I could tell where the lamplighter was by the trail he left behind him.
Harry Lauder
5/20/11
Actual Court Records
Judge: All right. Any other questions?
Defendant: How can you sentence an innocent man to prison?
Judge: It is part of my job.
5/19/11
IMMORTALITY
I believe in the immortality of the soul because I have within me immortal longings.
Helen Keller
5/18/11
The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.
Mark Twain
5/17/11
Laughable Lawsuits
A drunk driver was speeding, careened past detour signs, and crashed. He sued the engineering firm that designed the road, the contractor, four subcontractors, and the state highway department, which owned both sides of the road. Five years later, all of the defendants settled for $35,000.00. The engineering firm was swamped with more than $200,000.00 in legal costs.
5/16/11
HOPE
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them.
Henry David Thoreau
5/13/11
It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.
H.L. Mencken
5/12/11
HOME
There is no spectacle on earth more appealing than that of a beautiful woman in the act of cooking dinner for someone she loves.
Thomas Wolfe
5/11/11
Never run after your own hat - others will be delighted to do it; why spoil their fun?
Mark Twain
5/10/11
Movie Law
Right now everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in love and that is wonderful! But you gotta know that sooner or later you're gonna be screaming at each other about who's gonna get this ish. This eight-dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm: That's Mine This is Yours.
Harry Burns in When Harry Met Sally
5/9/11
HELPFULNESS
They might not need me; but they might,
I'll let my head be just in sight;
A smile as small as mine might be
Precisely their necessity.
Emily Dickinson
5/6/11
He can compass the most words into the smallest idea of any man I ever met.
Abraham Lincoln, referring to a fellow attorney
5/5/11
HAPPINESS
Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed.
Storm Jameson
5/4/11
He had been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.
Mark Twain
5/3/11
Laughable Lawsuit
A man in Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving through the garage of a house he has just finished robbing. However, he was not able to get out because the automatic garage door was malfunctioning. He couldn't reenter the house because the door going from the garage to the house automatically locked when he closed it.
The family was away on vacation, so the thief found himself locked in the garage for eight days. Luckily he was able to survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dog food. The family wasn't so lucky. He sued the homeowner's claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. He was awarded $500,000.00.
5/2/11
GOODNESS
A saint is one who makes goodness attractive.
Laurence Housman
4/29/11
Q. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. How many can you afford?
4/28/11
GIFTS
Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.
Elizabeth Bibesco
4/27/11
When she began to empty one of those sentences on me I unconsciously took the very attitude of reverence and stood uncovered, and if words had been water, I had been drowned sure.
Mark Twain
4/26/11
Sentence first - verdict afterwards.
Lewis Carroll
4/25/11
FRIENDSHIP
I didn't find my friends; the good God gave them to me.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
4/22/11
Actual Court Records
Judge: Is there anything else you would like to say before I pass sentence?
Defendant: Yes, Kirk to Enterprise - beam me up.
4/21/11
FAITH
Whoso draws nigh to God one step through doubtings dim,
God will advance a mile in blazing light to him.
4/20/11
Beware of the struggling young author, my friends. Whom God sees fit to starve, let not man presumptuously rescue to his own undoing.
Mark Twain
4/19/11
Insightful Interrogations
Lawyer: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
Witness: The victim lived.
4/18/11
EDUCATION
If you have knowledge, let others light their candle at it.
Thomas Fuller
4/15/11
True story
The judge was finishing his oral charge to a jury. Being a judge who keeps up with the times, he pointed out in the verdict form where the "foreperson" should sigh the verdict.
When the verdict was delivered later to the courtroom deputy, four persons had signed their names to the form. He now uses the old-fashioned word "foreman."
4/14/11
DETERMINATION
O Lord, Thou givest us everything at the price of an effort.
Leonardo Da Vinci
4/13/11
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Mark Twain
4/12/11
In law a man is guilty when he violates the rights of others. In ethics he is guilty if he only thinks of doing so.
Immanuel Kant
4/11/11
CRITICISM
The question is not what a man can scorn, or disparage, or find fault with, but what he can love, and value, and appreciate.
John Ruskin
4/8/11
Supreme Court: (n.) The place where the finest legal minds in the country gather - to serve as law clerks to the justices.
White's Law Dictionary
4/7/11
CREED
Faithfully faithful to every trust,
Honestly honest in every deed,
Righteously righteous and justly just:
This is the whole of the good man's creed.
4/6/11
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain
4/5/11
The defendant asked for a new lawyer, claiming the public defender wasn't interested in his case. The judge addressed the public defender: "What do you have to say to that?" The public defender replied: "Could you please repeat that, your honor? I wasn't listening."
4/4/11
BIBLE
Its light is like the body of heaven in its clearness;
Its vastness like the bosom of the sea;
Its variety like scenes of nature.
John Henry Newman
4/1/11
Actual Court Records
"The defendant is an inveterate womanizer and a golf hustler. In short, he has no redeeming virtues."
3/31/11
BEAUTY
Beauty is God's handwriting.
Charles Kingsley
3/30/11
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
Mark Twain
3/29/11
A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. "Which side is it best to lie on?" she asked.
"The side that pays your fee," replied the doctor.
3/28/11
ASPIRATION
Only God can fully satisfy the hungry heart of man.
Hugh Black
3/25/11
Be frank and explicit with your lawyer.... It is his business to confuse the issue afterward.
3/24/11
AWARENESS
The world will never starve for want of wonders.
Gilbert Keith Chesterton
3/23/11
Lying is universal - we all do it; we all must do it. Therefore the wise thing is for us diligently to train ourselves to lie thoughtfully...
Mark Twain
3/22/11
Actual Court Records
DA: Defense Counsel is accountable to you (the jury).
Counsel: Judge, I object to that. I object to him referring to me as a cannibal, Judge.
Judge: He said accountable.
Counsel: A what?
Judge: He said accountable, not a cannibal.
Counsel: It sounded like cannibal to me and I object.
3/21/11
CHURCH
There is a little planet called reverence in the corner of my soul's garden, which I love to have watered once a week.
Oliver Wendell Holmes
3/18/11
Actual Court Records
A poetic District Attorney gave this simple closing argument to the jury in a DUI case:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Point one-five
Means drunk to you.
The jury appreciated the prose - the verdict: GUILTY
3/17/11
"History will be kind to me - for I will write it."
Winston Churchill
3/16/11
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lighting and the lighting bug.
Mark Twain
3/15/11
An old wives tale or another cheap shot???
Children who never come when called will grow up to be doctors.
Children who come before they are called will grow up to be lawyers.
3/14/11
BROTHERHOOD
Grant us brotherhood, not only for this day but for all our years - a brotherhood not of words but of acts and deeds.
Stephen Vincent Benet
3/11/11
Another Cheap Shot...
Lawyers as a group are no more dedicated to justice or public service than a private utility is dedicated to giving light.
David Melinkoff
3/10/11
AGE
I shall grow old, but never lose life's zest, because the road's last turn will be the best.
Henry Van Dyke
3/9/11
I do no violence to the usual license of history by inferring that Noah liked hogs... for he named one of his sons Ham.
Mark Twain
3/8/11
In Utah first cousins may not marry...unless they are 65 or older.
3/7/11
Interesting Historical Nugget:
1570
A rule to knowe how many dayes euery moneth in the yeare hath
Thirty dayes hath Nouember,
Aprill, June and September,
February hath xxviii alone,
And all the rest have xxxi.
1606
Thirty days hath September,
April, June, and November,
February eight-and-twenty all alone,
And all the rest have thirty-one;
Unless that leap year doth combine,
And give to February twenty-nine.
3/4/11
I know you lawyers can, with ease,
Twist words and meanings as you please;
That language, by your skill made pliant,
Will bend to favor ev'ry client.
John Gay
3/3/11
Now let us thank the Eternal Power: convinced
That Heaven but tries our virtue by affliction,
That oft the cloud which wraps the present hour
Serves but to brighten all our future days.
John Brown (1715-1766)
3/2/11
He has been a doctor a year now and he has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.
Mark Twain
3/1/11
ACHIEVEMENT
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington
2/28/11
Did you hear they just came out with a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?
It comes with all of Ken's stuff...
2/25/11
CHILDREN
Every child born comes with the message: God is not yet discouraged of man.
Rabindranath Tagore
2/24/11
A Brooklyn lawyer, a used-car salesman, and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend. In his grief, one of the three said, "In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they'll have something to spend over there."
They all agreed that this was appropriate and also agreed to give $100.00 each. So the banker dropped a hundred-dollar bill into the casket, and the car salesman did the same.
The lawyer took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.00.
2/23/11
COURAGE
Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all the others.
Winston Churchill
2/22/11
Ben Franklin said "That it is better one hundred guilty persons should escape than one innocent person should suffer" - a maxim that has been long and generally accepted, and referred to many times in relation to guilt and innocence in Criminal Law.
2/21/11
CONFIDENCE
I can see how it might be possible for a man to look down upon the earth and be an atheist, but I cannot conceive how he could look up into the heavens and say there is no God.
Abraham Lincoln
2/18/11
A red-faced Judge convened Court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with DUI, who claimed it simply wasn't true. "Why I'm as sober as your are, your Honor," the man claimed. The Judge replied, "Clerk, please enter a guilty plea; the defendant is sentenced to thirty days."
2/17/11
CHARACTER
It is not what he has, nor even what he does, which directly expresses the worth of a man; it's what he is.
Henri Frederic Amiel
2/16/11
Frivolous Lawsuit???
Two State prison inmates sued General Foods alleging that the company failed to tell them that Maxwell House coffee is addictive; demanding compensation for headaches and insomnia they suffered in prison.
2/15/11
ACTION
All the lofty sentiments in the world pale in comparison to a single loving action.
James Russell Lowell
2/14/11
Actual Court Records from a DUI case
Lawyer: When you were driving on the Interstate, how fast were you going?
Witness: I never looked at the speedometer, but the speed limit was 65. I wasn't going 65; I rarely go 65.
Lawyer: All right. Now I want to take you back to the scene of the bar for a moment.
(The witness starts to get up to leave the witness box)
Lawyer: No, no; don't get up - I just want to take you back there mentally...
2/11/11
Frivolous Lawsuit???
Three inmates in Utah filed a $10.7 million lawsuit claiming "cruel and unusual punishment" because guards failed to give them late-night snacks.
2/10/11
Lawyer after a strenuous trial suffers PCS
Post Closing Syndrome - Temporary feeling of euphoria followed by extreme sense of uselessness after completing a major transaction.
2/9/11
A Cheap Shot...
Q. What do you call a person who assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested???
A. An accomplice
Q. What do you call a person who assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested???
A. A lawyer… |
